is it ok to be confused?????

is it ok to be confused?? i am happy with him.. but sometimes wen we r together he doesnt always act like he is happy with me... wat am i supposed to think about this? My friends keep tellin me not the worry about it n that he looks happy with me... sometimes people can be decietful... n now to another thing i am confused about... i am in love with a loser red head kid who acts one way when he is around me and another when he is around others. i am moving soon so i wanted to give hims something to remember me by. i gave him my purity ring. i hope he does like it. he said he was kinda speechless n said it was a good thing.. but i cant exactly tell if he is really happy or if he jus thinks i am creepy. the truth is, i cant help but be in love with him and wanna tell him every day. i wud honestly spend my entire life with him... but sadly i doubt he feels the same way about me.. so i am confused about him too. i have known him for about a year n a half.and i have gotten so close to him.. i dont exactly know if he even cares about me half as much as i do for him. idk i guess we will see soon. ok to another thing. my former best friend told me she loves me. well her way of showing me has been to get pissed off at me every time i date a guy she likes. firts example... i hated a guy knamed Jonathan that she dated once and "supposedly" still has feelings for him. second ex. she dated this guy named ryan... i dated him for a little while too. third example... i am currently dating her ex Wesley... now she wont even look at me.. wtf is up with these stupid two faced bitches always actin like this?? i guess it makes it a little worse wen she wud say it was okay and then after if happens she wud be all pissed... wtf?? im sorry but i dont need a condasending two faced backstabbin bitch as a friend.. sorry u stupid two faced slut, im not lettin u get a rise out of the stupid shit u put people through...
i guess evcen thoug i complain about stuff.. i have a few good friends always stickin behind me... I LOVE U DANNI!!!! I LOVE U TRISHY!!! I LOVE U RYAN!!! I LOVE U CHELSEA(mr. mom lol) I LOVE U NICK!!!!

HAPPYNESS!!!!

ok so i am like super excited!! well, i kinda feel bad for this but in a way i honestly dont even care. i broke up with my loser of a bf and now i am with the most amazing guy i have ever met in my entire life. alot has gone on between him n i. n i am just so excited because first off, he n i have known each other for about three years. second, he n i have sooooo much in common. we liek all the same things and idk im jsut excited and thought i wud share my happynesss with you all lol ..
bye for now love you all!!
--brea sebastian

wanna play my game?
the rules are simple
simple cuz there are no rules
dont think, just do
my game is simple at first,
but quickly becomes your habit
a craving you have to cure
a hungeryou have to fill
i become your life.
i will control you
i will consume your body
and take you as the victim,
your my puppet
my wish is your command
you will become my life source
i will become a parasite you cant get rid of
the dependance becomes your down fall
i cann and will take your life away
just be careful,
unless you reject me, you become my prey
you will loose yourself slowely
andn at first you wont even notice it
soon you are looking for a better way
a better way to get my game.
you will keep looking till you find the cure.
your synthetic high.
you become unlike yourself
thats how you know im winning my game.
you loose your weight cuz your body refuses food.
you will avoid anyone who doesnt want to play my game too
you will become weak
the game is your life
and your life, its my game.
you fight with me till te end,
then you loose

My game is fun at first,
but its hard to play and it hurts in the end.
think before you do drugs.
Saying no can be the best decision you ever make,
and save your life.
saying yes, however,
could be the last decision you ever make.
think first, then dont do.

-Brea Sebastian

--Wolf Change--

Corsair of the wood
discard your skin
your pallid, worm-like vulnerability
corsair of the wood
exchange your skin
for pelt of dun
and brindle luxury
a penetegram is burning
in your eyes
a soft, pale twists
of wolf bane
squeeze your heart
a grinding pain
is writhing in your thighs
the crunch of bones
proclaims the changes start
pirate if the flesh
throw back your head
and part your jowls
to sing a lunar song
the forrest paths are dark
the night is long

Confusion?!?!?!?!

ok so i dont really know what to do now. I am crazy in love with someone... but there is a slight problem... i am with someone right now... i am so in love with him.. im always thinking about him... there isnt a second or minute or hour or day that i go without thinking about him and how i fucked everything up wen i broke up with him... so how do i tell him i am crazy about him?? he told me he loves me today... said he always would... im moving in 4 days not counting today... he told me he was gonna miss me so much... truth is.. i dont know if i cant handle this without him... i kinda feel ad cuz im in love with someone who isnt my bf but i honestly cant help it... that night was so special to me that i cant forget about it... nothing within my power iwll alow me to and nothing outside my power will either... i guess eventually i will figure it out... i am sorry if this was a total waste of your time but i needed to vent my feelings... i dont seem him more than just at school so i dont have enough time during the day to tell him how i feel.... i love you LRS

valentines day

ok i just really need to rant about this. i love valentines day, yes, when i have soemone to celebrate it with. yes i have a boufriend, but its nothing special because i cant even see him today.. so yea happy vday to all u love sick bastards out there who are so damn lucky to have someone who loves you enough to go out of their way to get you something, even if they dont think they have the money.. yay for all u lucky people who have been together for God knows how long.. but i on the otherhand am not so lucky.. yea i got a few goosd friends who love me n stuff.. but to be honest i dont think i have someone who loves me like i wanna be loved.. i dont feel like i have someone who needs me and would be crushed if i wasnt here. i mean maybe i do.. but if i do, they havent made it apparent or the least bit obvious.. i mean yea my first friend in ky named mikaya told me friday tht she doesnt want me to move but big deal theres only a few people who even show any sympathy or empathy or any emotion at all.. now my girl Daniella i love her to death i know shes always there for me and she always will be even when i dont live in this dreary old town.. n after i graduate she is one of the first people i will visit.. but not many.. anyways got sidetracked.. lol .. anyways.. point is.. YAY for those who have someone one vday but umm.. as for me.. not likin vday right now.. so good luck to those who arent .. hope things work out soon.. but i dont think they will for me.. so .. ill just keep my heart with God since none of the guys on this Earth think they are good enough for me...

poem (un-named)

what if i never loved you?
and i never felt your pain?
what if i never met you?
would i be half as insaine?

what if i never held you?
what if we never kissed?
and i never tasted your sin?
would i be ok without you?

it kills me not having you you here
because i never would have imagined myself without you
especially when i though you were the one.

i if i could pretend,
that you never exsisted?
would the pain cease?
would your ghost stop haunting me?
would i be able to sleep at night?
without dreams of us keeping me awake?

if i was honest with myself
i would tell you
seeing you two hurts me so much
and knowing your happy, hurts worse

holding on seems so pointless now
when you have her and you happy,
but i only hurt.
so i guess things for me are back to normal.

i knew it was just a matter of time
before my dream became merely a fanatsy
and my stupid insecurities
messed it all up.

my problem scares me
and i thought you would leave
if you only knew..
so i ended up driving myself crazy
then did something i now regret

can you tell me how to live without you?
because it i so hard for me.
when i am so used to being right by your side.
i wish i could jsut ask you for another chance.
so i can show you how much i really do love you.
so i can show you how much i miss you.
if you took me back i would never mess this up..
but it is all just my sweet fantasy..
that i keep held
deep inside my thoughts.

pot??

ok this is gonna be a touchy subject for all u pot heads. and i ain't talking about the ones who are like yea i do pot so Wat?? i am talking about the ones who act like they are sick just to get some medicinal marijuana. its like my eyes hurt so i needa smoke some pot. so lets move on to the crack heads. you think the only way to feel sane and to not be alone is to do this shit!! u know what?? thats the crack at work!! u know wat if u let that shit get to u and u let that be a temptation for you, its gonna come back around and bite you ni the ass.!! so stay away from the shit!!

♥breakable brittany♥

♥breakable brittany♥

i started using this name about a week ago when my bf and i broke up. since that happened i realized how fragile a heart really is.. and how any little thing can break it. but even though its done and over it, my heart is still breakable.. its fragile with many holes and i need someones band-aid to fix it. so i think i have found the one who will fix the bruises and marks and cuts on my heart. i really hope i dont get hurt again. idk how much more of all the b.s. i can take. but i guess this is enough of my pathetic rant for now i leave u in peices..
♥breakable brittany♥ aka ♫ little mi§§ fun §ize ♫

confusion!!???!!!???!!!???

ok i needa rant...
you know wat i dont get?? is when people fuckin get hung up on one person.. and they hate their lives jsut because they cant have wat they want.. and then they try to bring everyone else down with them.. its like the only way to bring their own pathetic lives up is to bring everyone around them down.. they go on a "poor poor pitiful me" spell and its like WTF?? get over it!! idk maybe its just me i notice annoying things about people and once i notice them it really gets on my nerves.. so idk... but thts it for now

♥breakable brittany♥

break up or make up??

ok so.. my bf and i broke up. i really love him but i cant handle all of his drama. plus he smokes pot.. and he knows i dont like it.. so for me he "said" he would stop.. yea idk how well that was working because every time he was on the computer... he would always be looking at ways to grow pot faster or better.. or tips for growing it.. so i got tired of it and dumped his ass.. so yea.. i just needa rant for a little while cuz the mother fucker pisses me off!! hes such a m.f-in man whore he pisses me off so much. the day after we broke up the bastard already had another gf!! i honestly wouldnt care, if it was anyone else but my best friend.. plus my sister was fuckin bouncin up and down on his lap!! WTF!!! he has no fuckin morals!!! pisses me off when someone says they can only see themselves wit u.. and when u break up, u kinda expect them to atleast try to fight to stay with u.. but no of course not from him.. i dnt think he even cared at all so you know what i say?? FUCK HIM!!

♥breakable brittany♥ \m/o.0 \m/ rock on

hypocrites..

have u ever noticed how people will try to tell you are doing something wrong with your life, but they do the same exact thing?? things like that make so mad. everytime someone tells me im a christian and i chouldnt cuss.. its like wtf?? i try not to alot.. but im still a new christian.. i cant always be perfect. and the people who tell me tht are the ones who are doing it too.. so idk.. idk wat everyones problem is with telling people they need to change urrggg people piss me off!!!

u know wat??

u know wat really pisses me off?? when people try to pretend to be something that they are not. they act like they are your friend and as soon as they get some "dirt" on you, they run and tell everyone.. even if it isnt true.. these people are the people that jsut really get under my skin and really aggrivate me.
they think in order to be happy with their sad pathetic lives, they have to make everyone around them feel ten times worse than they do. and those are the people that i hope go to hell and get the things they deserve.

honesty?

What is honest? Webster's defines honesty as a fairness and straightforwardness of conduct. But if we are completely honest with ourselves, hence completely straightforward, how many of us are really honest about half the things we say or think.
As a growing christian i hear new Christians all the time saying how they would die in the name of Jesus. now all this could be true, but i don't think they are being completely honest with themselves. i mean yes of course they have that strong will. they are headstrong, like any new Christian. And they are passionate about what they believe. but if they dig deep inside their souls i think they would see how scary that could really be. And to die for your religion is a hard thing to do. i kudos those of u who would be able to do that. i will be honest, i would be terrified to loose my life like that. but lets be honest with ourselves... are u honest??

Love??

what does it mean to love someone? this is an question that most people in america ask them selves. if not conciously, then they ask themselves sub-conciously. Do half the people in america who get married even understand what it means to love someone? Do half the people have sex actually love the person? These are questions that we dont ask that i think we need to ask.
I mean i am not ging to tell you that you are wrong for this.. that is just my opinion.
a girl told me today that she planned to go sleep with her boyfriend.. ok sounds like a noraml teendage relationship right? well then she told me after she did, she was going to go sleep with her cousins boyfriend? WTF!?? i almost went off on the chick! not only is she lying to her bf, telling him that she loves him and saying she is going to marry him.. but she is also cheating on him!! WTF?? i hope that every single one of those bastards has their place in hell.

NEW MOON!!

ok guys!! i loves twilight so i am hoping new moon is gonna be if not better.. atleast just as good!
New Moon comes out november 11 2009 in theaters! Be sure to cathch it at midnight in the cinema in e-town !! hey if u are going the same time we can hang out...
here is the new soundtrack for New Moon... fresh from
www.stepheniemeyer.com

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE — MEET ME ON THE EQUINOX
BAND OF SKULLS — FRIENDS
THOM YORKE — HEARING DAMAGE
LYKKE LI — POSSIBILITY
THE KILLERS — A WHITE DEMON LOVE SONG
ANYA MARINA — SATELLITE HEART
MUSE — I BELONG TO YOU (NEW MOON REMIX)
BON IVER & ST. VINCENT — ROSYLN
BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB — DONE ALL WRONG
HURRICANE BELLS — MONSTERS
SEA WOLF — THE VIOLET HOUR
OK GO — SHOOTING THE MOON
GRIZZLY BEAR — SLOW LIFE
EDITORS — NO SOUND BUT THE WIND
ALEXANDRE DESPLAT — NEW MOON (THE MEADOW)

Be sure to keep updated on www.stepheniemeyer.com

slender man

i layed in my bed, on the night of october 21, 2009. It was about midnight when i woke up, out of no where. i got up to turn of my t.v. considering, i dont like being in the dark. when i truned on the light i thought i saw a man in the corner of my room on the right hand side of my bed, just beside of my dresser. I was almost too scared to move. the fist initaial reaction was i thought there was someone in my room, but when i took another look, the man wasnt there anymore. Out of my terror i went downstarirs to sleep on the queen size bed in the basement. in the room in the back of the basement is where my brother sleeps so i figured i would be fine if i stayed down there.
An hour later, i still couldnt go to sleep, i was too scared. i know it sounds foolish to be scared but i had heard rumors of the slender man from my friend, who has also seen him, so of course i wanted to be causious. About two minutes later i was going to text my friend but right before i did, the porch light came on. then the motion sensor in from of the basement door went off. i knew it couldnt be and animal because no animal has ever set it off before, i know that because i have tried that wit my dog, Carly. As soon as i sat up in the bed, the light went off. i didnt get to sleep that night but nothing else strange happened that night.